hmm so i've had a very odd week.  other than suffering from extreme amounts of sleep deprivation....my mood has switched unbelieveably.  it literally takes three seconds to change my world around between black and white.  i can go from a joyous the best thing just happened happy state to the worst depression you've ever seen.  and its bothering me. whatever. thats life right? i have to deal, accept, and move on. forget the past, right? bull.

sorry im just pissed. i cant maintain a happy medium within myself. i hate myself sometimes. i really really really do.

and i think if anyone mentions mr. montville to me tomorrow. about how good it was or about how i missed it. i'm going to break down and cry. and flat out curse their existance.

the end.

its my sixteenth birthday. yet i feel no difference.

i dont know. see...my birthday was an amazing day...as it always is. but throughout the years, its losing the energy, the feeling, the specialness that the day brings. its just slowly fading out, which really depresses me. its bringing me to the point of tears. i try to keep it, but its just like its being slowly taken away and no matter what i do i cant keep it.

not to mention that your birthday is very different when you cant see one of your favorite people that's ALWAYS there on your birthday. ok, this is really hard now..im seriously tearing.

but like...i shouldnt complain because this sounds stupid...but well its very childish...my presents suck. the thing is...my parents gave me three things that i picked out and bought myself in boston. they paid for it but still. and a pack of paper for pictures and a closet organizer. i got earrings and a memory card. two things that were suprises. that were nice birthdayish suprises. i shouldnt complain because i love all the presents and it is the thought that counts. but still...theres really no great suprises, which was always the best part. the presents that you secretly desired, but didnt know you were going to get. the suprise is gone and just saddens me. and i miss it. i love my parents. they're so wonderful. but i miss it. and now i'm crying.

i dont know. this whole thing sounds stupid...but its my sixteenth birthday. the one thats supposed to be sweet and amazing and the one thats super special. but its just not as amazing as i thought it would be.

im such a terrible person sometimes. but why today? why my birthday?

i gotta stop crying.

So this is it.  The new, improved, private//protected xanga.  Anyone can comment on this one, but the rest are all protected. sorry.

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